Do You Know How You Feel?

It sounds like a simple question, but identifying how we truly feel isn’t always easy. In part because feelings and emotions are in a constant state of flux. Even when there’s an underlying mood or tone, the subtle nuances of feeling continuously ebb and flow.

How we feel in a moment is influenced either by things happening externally in our environment or by thoughts in our mind - or both. It doesn’t take long to notice that our thoughts and environment are constantly changing, even if subtly. And so if our thoughts and environment change like a continuous stream, so too our feelings change. We create stories on whether we like or dislike the input we are receiving. To reiterate, our story is either we like or dislike input from our environment or our thoughts and this influences how we feel. Often, these reactions happen so subtly we don’t even realise they’re shaping how we feel.

Beyond keeping up with this constant change, it’s also common to struggle with identifying emotions simply because many of us aren’t used to doing so. Much of society rewards productivity over presence as many of us move through our days disconnected from our inner landscape. We push past emotional discomfort, suppress sadness with distraction, override anger with politeness and can mistake numbness for peace.

Distraction is perhaps the biggest barrier to knowing how we really feel. Our lives are FULL of distraction, amongst all this noise, how can we hear what it is our bodies wish to communicate with us? Sometimes distraction is a biproduct of our busy lives but also something we actively engage with to ‘keep calm and carry on’. It may appear easier to scroll on the phone, switch on the TV or blast music than face the reality of our emotions, but in doing so we disconnect from ourselves and suppress our true expression.

Yet emotions are not the enemy, they are messengers to inform us of the circumstances in our lives, guiding us toward change, resolution, and growth. When a feeling is particularly strong or persistent then usually the message it’s carrying is of greater importance. By ignoring or distracting from emotions, won’t mean they’ll cease to exist - it will wait stored in the body until it is witnessed. This can by why diseases manifest - if a rejected emotion stays locked in the body it will search for others ways to make itself known.  Emotion is meant to be in motion, they wish to leave the body. Until it is expressed, it stays supressed. What we resist, persists.

Many of us have been taught to label emotions as either ‘good’ or ‘bad’. This can cause us to stifle certain feelings entirely. For some, expressing anger feels dangerous because of past experiences. For others, even joy can feel unsafe if it was once met with ridicule or rejection. Each of us carries a unique story about which emotions are “allowed.” It's all a matter of perspective and personal experience. But what if we removed the labels? What if we saw grief, happiness, anger, or excitement—not as good or bad—but simply as information? When we meet an emotion matter-of-factly, without judgment, we create space to respond from awareness. Emotions make us reactive. With space, we can witness, take responsibility to respond, rather than react.

It’s also helpful to remember: you are not your emotions. We simply bear witness to them. We are not the ever changing, ever fluxing thoughts and feelings. We are the one experiencing them – not the emotions themselves. When we disentangle from over-identifying with what we feel, emotions become less overwhelming and more manageable.

There is great healing in the simple act of naming what we feel. Slowing down long enough to notice the textures within us. Am I anxious, or am I overwhelmed? Am I sad or is it really anger in disguise, or perhaps I feel lonely or afraid to be seen?

When we begin to identify our emotions—without judgment—we reclaim our ability to respond in a way that we wish to. No longer subject to the puppeteers that hang out in the shadows, behind the veils of distraction and ignorance. We become the gentle witness to our inner world, compassionately listening to each emotions message without being attached to the story.

So, what can we do practically?

One supportive practice is to build greater body awareness. Try a body scan: gently move your attention from your toes to the crown of your head, noticing sensations as you go. Tingling, warmth, coolness, heaviness, lightness, tension, pleasure, numbness—the feeling of fabric against your skin or the ground supporting you. Whatever you find, try not to judge it. Let it be, exactly as it is. Try not to label a sensation as one that you like or dislike, try to remove any story or narrative you have around the sensation, no matter how pleasant or unpleasant.

If you’re new to this, consider incorporating a short body scan into your morning or evening routine. Over time, this builds a deeper connection to how you feel physically and emotionally.

You might also try journaling—writing down how you feel each day to track the patterns and nuances of your emotional life.

Once you have identified an emotion, you can choose how you wish to respond to integrate the information and lessons this emotion is sharing with you. Maybe that means sitting quietly in solitude. Other times it could mean reaching out to a loved one, moving your body, spending time in nature, creating, crying, screaming into a pillow, exercising, resting, or making a change. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, only the invitation to listen.

As we develop a clearer understanding of our own emotional world, we naturally become more compassionate toward others. The more patience we cultivate for our own feelings, the more resilient we become when witnessing the emotions of those around us. Notice when you find yourself resistant to someone else’s emotion. This might be a sign of an unresolved emotion within yourself. No need for shame, just a wonderful opportunity to deepen your awareness.

To live a well life is not to be endlessly “positive,” but to be present—to know ourselves deeply, to feel fully, and to express authentically.

So again, can you ask yourself:
How do I feel?
And regardless of your answer, can you meet it with acceptance? Even if you don’t fully know the answer yet.. Just asking the question is good enough.

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