What Does It Mean to Be Spiritual?

It would be natural to assume that this rise in spirituality would mean more people are adopting qualities such as generosity, compassion, tolerance, forgiveness, discernment, humility, gratitude, patience and so forth. Who am I to judge how people conduct their lives? And whilst many do walk this path sincerely, there’s also a growing tendency to confuse the appearance of spirituality with its deeper essence.

This isn’t to say that there’s anything wrong with spiritual aesthetics. I too love wearing linen, participating in various practices, and collecting crystals. There’s beauty and joy in rituals and in curating spaces that support connection. But ultimately, what matters most is not how things look or what you do—but the intention behind your actions and the quality of your inner state.

S.N. Goenka, teacher of Vipassana meditation, once explained through a simple example: a surgeon cuts open a patients belly to perform treatment and the patient dies, in another circumstance an attacker stabs someone in the belly out of violence and the person dies. The action of the belly being cut is the same, but one person is doing it with the intention to save a life and the other with the intention to take a life. This demonstrates how the intent behind our actions is more important than the action itself.

Similarly, someone could contribute to a charity, but one person may do so with the intent to make a genuine positive difference, while another may do the same to seek approval or elevate their social standing. On the surface, the actions look similar, but the motivation is what defines the spiritual weight of the act.

Radical Honesty and the Inner Mirror

During my time on Vipassana courses, we were asked to practice noble silence. This is partly to help create a conducive meditative environment and partly because we also committed to no lying. I believe being truthful to be one of the hardest spiritual attributes, because, whether we are aware of it or not, we tell ourselves and others lies, or less than the whole truths, all the time.

After the courses I paid close attention the content of what I was sharing with others, how I shared it and the details of my language. I realised I was intent in painting a positive picture of myself in the eyes of others. Totally natural right? It’s human nature. We all want to be accepted by others, we all want to belong, we all want to relate and resonate, we all want to connect. I started to ask myself, “am I sharing this because I am more concerned with being accepted than by being totally honest, authentic and truthful.”

It's a scary thing to do - facing radical honesty, because it runs the risk of rejection. It means being honest with the parts of ourselves that feel less digestible. How willing are we to look at the parts where we carry shame, guilt, grief and rage? How willing are we to be honest about those parts with others? And can we hold these uncomfortable emotions without judgement or resistance?

As Ram Dass so poignantly put it:

“The most important aspect of love is not in giving or the receiving: it’s in the being. When I am feeling loved—being love—I am allowing myself to be exactly as I am, and allowing you to be exactly as you are.”

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Furthermore, some of the biggest lies we tell ourselves are:

“I’m not enough”

“I’m unlovable”

“I’ll be happy when…”

“It’s too late for me”

“I have to do it alone”

Hiding away in the subconscious, these deep-seated lies influence how we think, feel and act. For example, if someone carries the belief “I’m not enough,” they may overcompensate, constantly striving to prove their worth—or they may unconsciously seek situations that reinforce that narrative, or both.

A significant part of spiritual growth is self-love. It’s from the love and acceptance profoundly felt from within, which ripples out into the world and changes all aspects of our lives. It starts from within, which is why spirituality is never about external appearances or practices. First and foremost, it is how we relate to ourselves and our internal dialogue. Becoming more loving, patient, accepting with own humanness enables us to do more so with others too.

Spirituality in Everyday Life

Spirituality is not confined to retreats, rituals, or rare moments. It is how we live, how we listen, how we hold space for ourselves in moments of vulnerability, how we love – ourselves, others and the planet. Spirituality happens in the quiet corners of our lives, and it certainly isn’t all ‘love and light’, in fact it requires us to drudge through the sticky icky parts of ourselves to find what golden nuggets lie awaiting in the mud.

To be spiritual is not to seek escape from the world, but to arrive more fully into it, and that means all aspects of life, even the ‘ugly’ parts too. Forget spirituality as something to lift us away from the messiness of life, if anything it calls us deeper into the dissonance as a way to transmute it.

Living a spiritual life is not separate from the ordinary, it is woven through the everyday and reflected in our attitudes to ourselves and life at whole. All that we face in life offers a wonderful mirror to reflect upon our inner workings. When we are quick to blame others, or think that something or someone else needs to change, at this point is when we need to honestly look at ourselves and question - what in us can change to gracefully deal with the situation? Taking this level of responsibility is where spirituality gets really interesting.

Regardless of your beliefs or whether you call yourself “spiritual”, most of us share the aspiration to be compassionate, forgiving, kind, grateful, patient and generous – this is what I believe it is to be spiritual. Beyond all the rites and rituals and wearing floaty linens and feathers, the most spiritual thing we can do might simply be this: to treat others with dignity, to tend to small acts with reverence, and to meet each moment with acceptance.

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